Sliding Doors
by pseudonymitous
Summary: What if Parker didn't walk out on Auggie, if she agreed not to leave in the morning? How would Season 3 have been different? How would Auggie and Annie have been different? An AU peek at what could have been... and whether or not love would still find a way. (Each ch. is named for a corresponding song) Latest: Ch 22 'We Found Each Other In The Dark'
1. Square One by Tom Petty

_I know this is a highly controversial AU but it does give me pause and at this point I think we've got fic for all the other possibilities. Please leave me feedback and suggestions on what you'd be interested in seeing. Or just how much you hate it. _

* * *

"You're still here."

Parker rolled over onto her back and sighed. "I'm still here."

"I didn't think you would be."

She took a beat. "I thought about it."

They took a moment to acknowledge all the things they weren't saying.

"Why'd you stay?"

She swallowed, her voice still pensive and wounded from the events of last night. "Because you're worth it."

He basked in the magnitude of this statement for a moment. She was overwhelmed, betrayed, out of her element. And yet she still thought he was worth it.

"No more secrets," he swore aloud.

Her voice was small. "Please."

"No more secrets," he repeated, kissing her neck and shoulder. "No more secrets. No more secrets."

He kissed her until all of the lies were behind them, until his lips were chapped with honesty, until the truth set them both free. And then he made her breakfast.

...

Auggie was really getting married. To Parker.

Annie caught the voicemail at 2 am, in a hotel bathroom, with Simon Fischer sleeping in the next room.

To her surprise, she cried.

She sat on the edge of the claw-foot tub with hot tears rolling down her cheeks for no good reason. This was her best friend. She should be ecstatic.

She lay down in the dry tub, exhausted. She must have cried herself to sleep. When she woke, Simon was scooping her up, stroking her hair, kissing the salty tears from her face, pleading with her to tell him what was wrong.

She could've given him the phone. Let him hear the voicemail, with Auggie's voice, excited and unafraid, telling her to disregard any prior voicemails in which he expressed second thoughts about marrying Parker because it was really happening and they'd worked it out, and he couldn't wait to talk to her in person if they could just get a beer soon, whenever she got back to town. The man who left that voicemail was one who'd never have to pretend to be anyone's husband ever again, because he'd be someone's husband in real life.

But Annie didn't give Simon the phone. Instead, she locked it and left it on the beside table and leaned into him until the rhythm of his breathing calmed her enough to sleep.

* * *

_To be continued..._

_I just felt like this was a good stopping place. Much, much more to come, as Auggie now has no arrest, no therapy, no reassignment to Joan's desk. Maybe even a chance to unravel the issue of Gemini before it's too late, a chance he didn't have before._


	2. Sadness Is A Blessing by Lykke Li

Saturday was Parker's and Parker's only. They discussed the things they wanted, nailing down a plan. Parker would stop drifting and finally, officially, put her name on Auggie's lease, first thing on Monday. She bought a couple bridal magazines at the store. They started thinking about redecorating, maybe buying a decent sized TV. Parker started looking for work.

She'd called her family when Auggie popped the question, so now it was Auggie's turn to do the same. They called Parker's parents one more time, to arrange a dinner date for later in the week, on a day Auggie was almost sure he wouldn't have to work.

Auggie couldn't really express why that Saturday felt like a new beginning. Parker seemed lighter. He felt lighter. That spark at the beginning of their relationship felt like it might be returning, this time without the inhibition of a presumed two years in Eritrea. Auggie couldn't think of anything he wanted more.

Well, maybe one thing.

But she was who-knew-where, doing who-knew-what, and she wasn't there to share in his happiness.

He dialed her number last, after all the siblings and aunts and uncles and friends, while Parker was in the shower.

"This is Annie! Leave a message."

He drew in a quick breath at the beep.

"Walker! Hey! Great to hear your voice...mail. Your voicemail. Who do I have to kill to get a call back? Well, anyway... Get back to me, okay? I talked to my brother today and he seems to think he's the best man, so you might have to have some sort of duel. He's got a high center of gravity, you could take him..." Auggie cringed at his forced rambling. "But yeah, call me back. Miss seeing you around, so to speak."

"When do I get to meet the mystical Annie Walker?" Parker asked from the direction of the bedroom.

"As soon as she calls me the hell back," Auggie said with a forced laugh. "What's on the docket for tonight?"

"I was thinking we could order Chinese and I could describe wedding dresses to you out of this enormous stack of bridal magazines," she said, like that would make for the sexiest night of all time.

Auggie grinned. "Perfect."

...

Annie returned to DC early Saturday morning.

She'd been sitting at home, alone that night, when the phone rang.

She watched as it rang itself to voicemail.

She pretended she'd listen to the message during commercial.

At the end of this episode.

When she finished this bowl of ice cream.

When she'd finished the dishes.

When she was out of the shower.

After she brushed her teeth.

When she woke up the next morning.

It felt better to pretend than to admit that she couldn't bear whatever he had to say.

She pretended straight through Sunday, and as if by magic, forgot all about it just in time to avoid him at work on Monday.


	3. Putting the Dog to Sleep by the Antlers

Returning to her seat at the DPD without Auggie at his, was just bizarre. Barber and Stu were still there, but with Auggie at the OSP job, the place felt off-kilter. Annie had too much going on already- maintaining her relationship with Simon against the Agency's wishes, and now being sent out of the country with none other than Eyal Lavin.

A big part of her wanted to blow off steam once they got to the safe house. She couldn't decide if she was committed to Simon. She couldn't remember which stuff was cheating. She didn't know who he was sleeping with on the side. Her lines were all blurring and it made her feel dangerous and out of control. It didn't help when Eyal told her that's exactly what the Agency thought, too.

Nothing happened between them. They talked. She talked about Simon and he about his son. It felt right to open up to Eyal, but it felt second-best.

...

Auggie and Parker drove silently home from dinner with her parents. There wasn't anything to say, really. They'd used up all their words at the table, and forced a few extra to fill the silences.

Auggie knew them as Billy's parents, had known them that way from a distance for years.

After the Jack of Diamonds mission, Auggie called Billy's mother once a week for a year. Apparently it was a common reflex, a common symptom of survivor's guilt. But he'd known that, despite his own mother's tears and anguish upon his return home, Billy and Parker's mother had it a thousand times worse. Auggie's mom still had five sons, four of whom were in perfect health. Billy's mother lost her only.

It felt odd to meet with Parker's parents on happy circumstances. He got the sense that her mother associated him with all manner of disappointments. All manner of grief.

Parker had tried to lighten the mood, but she was uncomfortable, too.

If one wasn't privy to the occasion, they'd never once think the dinner was an engagement celebration.

As soon as they made it into the apartment, Parker found her words again.

"Is it always gonna be like this with them?"

Auggie sighed. "Please don't."

"Like a fucking funeral?"

"Parker..."

"I always thought my mom would be excited for me to get married!"

"Babe..."

"She just spent the whole dinner staring at you."

"I noticed."

"No, she was _staring, _Auggie. Like she couldn't believe you were real, or something, and... She didn't even ask to see the ring."

"You showed her the ring."

"Yeah I held it up and practically shoved it in her face. And don't even get me started on my dad."

"It was an off night."

"Can't I just be selfish about this one thing? Can't I just get the attention this one time?" Parker's voice broke. "I want to be selfish."

"Come here."

She folded heavy into his arms and cried.

"You can be selfish with me," he whispered into her hair. He knew her frustration. He felt the unfairness of tragedy seeping out of her tear ducts and into his shirt. She'd lost her brother and now she was losing her moment. Maybe if he'd been someone else... In this moment he couldn't bear to entertain that thought. "You are so beautiful."

"You don't know that," she said in a barely audible whisper.

"I do," he said resolutely. "And our wedding is going to be a really big deal, okay?"

"Okay," she hiccuped.

"Okay."


	4. These Days by Nico

"Can I ask you something stupid?" Parker rolled over on the couch and snuggled her head into her fiancee's shoulder.

"There are no stupid questions," Auggie said in a monotone.

Parker's left hand found its way to Auggie's right knee, and his hand found hers. He ran his finger over the engagement ring, the smooth pearl on her soft, slim finger.

"Would it completely screw you over if I redecorated?"

Auggie exhaled in relief, and a laugh came with it. "What do you have in mind?"

She shrugged against his arm. "I have some stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Some art. I was thinking maybe we could add some throw pillows."

"We? You realize I don't have to look at it."

"I thought I should include you."

"Are you planning on adding a sofa, or a large piece of taxidermy?"

"Thinkin' about it," she teased. "What if I do?"

"There may be a brief adjustment period."

"What's the protocol, Secret Agent Man?"

He gave her his best Han Solo grin. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

She kissed him, first on the nose and then on the lips, and then full on the mouth with tongue and everything, and he sincerely hoped she hadn't already put a sofa or large piece of taxidermy between them and the bed.

...

Annie was done with Joan. The differences between Joan and Lena were striking. Lena was benevolent, discerning and challenging. Joan wasn't. Lena trusted her spies and their instincts. Joan didn't trust anyone. Lena encouraged everyone to go with their gut. Annie couldn't remember the last time Joan encouraged anyone to do anything that didn't directly benefit Joan.

She stood in the gym, fresh off another Joan vs. Annie knockdown drag out, taking out her aggression on the usual punching bag.

"A little to the left."

She turned to see Auggie, in his usual black shirt and shorts, gym bag slung over one shoulder and a water bottle in his hand.

"H-how did you know?"

"The sound it's making. If you were nailing it, it'd be making more of an- okay I'm sorry but would you like to tell me why you've been ignoring me?"

Annie blanched. Auggie continued.

"How did I know? Well, besides ignoring my thousands of voicemails and texts, you also completely blew me off at the coffee cart this morning."

"I didn't see you," Annie fibbed.

"Nice try," Auggie laughed mirthlessly. His tone changed from accusatory to concerned. "I miss you, Walker. Where you been?"

"I miss you too," she stammered. "I've just been swamped with the transfer and everything."

He frowned. "Transfer?"

"I got sent back to the DPD. Where have you been?"

"Planning my wedding, slaving away in the OSP, chatting up your answering machine."

"Planning your wedding," she repeated. She swallowed and tried to keep her voice light. "How's Parker?"

"She's good," Auggie said, his voice heavy with something intangible. "Glad to hear it," she lied.

"Walker, what's going on?"

"I'm just stressed," she said, extending a hand and squeezing his arm in what was supposed to be a familiar gesture. "Really. Let's get that beer."

"Friday, Allen's, at nine?"

Annie put on a brave face. "Perfect."

"Great!" Auggie said brightly. "Parker's dying to meet you."


	5. Half of You by Cat Power

The morning of the day she was supposed to meet Auggie and Parker for drinks, Annie was read in on the situation with the Yemeni Prime Minister in Minnesota. She jumped at the chance to turn his aide. She got on a plane without hesitation.

The day was grueling, irritating, difficult. She had to be sharp. She was almost made twice. She remembered the days when she had a good partner in her ear and couldn't help but be bummed when Eric Barber continued to answer the phone.

She arrived back at the DPD that evening thinking she'd lost the opportunity to turn the PM's aide. She was steamed with Joan and the way she was eating out of Arthur's palm. She missed Lena. She tendered her resignation just as the phone rang with the turned asset, with whom she stayed on the phone for several hours before driving home and falling into bed.

She completely forgot to call.

...

Auggie arrived at Allen's at 6:30. Parker met up with him at 6:45.

"Do you think she'll like me?" Parker asked shyly.

"You'll get along famously," Auggie insisted.

But Annie didn't show. Not at 7. Or 8 or 9.

"You sure you don't want to head out?" Parker asked at 10:15. "I don't think she's coming."

"She's probably tied up," Auggie insisted. "She would have called otherwise."

At 11, Parker started to yawn.

"Why don't you hit the road; I'll catch a cab," Auggie said, wrapping her in his coat and giving her a kiss.

He remained at that table, alone, until 1 a.m., at which point he finally realized she wasn't coming, and she wasn't calling, and he was about to miss that cab.


	6. Don't Think Twice It's All Right

"So," Parker said as Auggie was getting dressed the next morning.

"So?"

"She ever show up?"

Auggie sighed, selecting a tie. "She did not."

"Let me get that for you," Parker said, gingerly looping the tie around his collar.

"You don't have to do that," Auggie tried to remind himself that it was a loving gesture.

"I'm almost done already," she said. "You okay?"

"Fine," Auggie said, a little too quickly. He ran a double-checking hand over the completed knot as Parker padded into the bathroom.

"You don't sound fine." She turned on the faucet and pulled the toothpaste from the drawer.

"Really, Parker, I'm sure she had a good excuse."

"Yeah, she didn't want to meet your fiancee," Parker scoffed, from behind her toothbrush.

"It's just not like Annie."

"I'm sure it isn't," Parker said, in a way that was almost mocking.

"Hey." Auggie's voice was harder than he intended.

"You're not really defending her."

"She's my best friend, of course I am."

"Maybe it's different in the CIA, but in my experience, best friends call."

"Don't count her out over this," Auggie said, but it crossed his mind that maybe Parker was right. Maybe Annie didn't have a good excuse. Even still, he was hurt by the way Parker was talking about her.

He hoped there was a logical explanation for all of this; his patience was running out.


	7. Start A War by The National

Annie stepped out of the shower, still shaking from the events of her trip to Cuba. She'd slipped away from Simon's under the guise of having to get up early. She didn't want to think about what he'd done. What that might mean. She just wanted to sleep off the long trip in the comfort of her own bed.

She was almost there, when the phone rang.

"Hello?" she rasped from her place under the covers.

"Hi Annie?"

"Auggie?"

"Yeah, remember me?" his voice carried an edge. "The guy who gave you a Corvette?"

There was no mirth, no sweetness. She was immediately very awake.

"What's up?" she tried.

"I'm just wondering where you've been these past few weeks," his voice had a mocking casualness. "Have you been busy?"

She suddenly remembered the beer. She was supposed to meet Parker. She was awful, oh gosh.

"Aug, I'm so sorry..."

He was quiet on the other end. She could practically see him clenching his jaw, at a loss for constructive words.

"I just got back from-" she stopped herself before she said _Cuba. _She couldn't afford to be in that kind of trouble right now. "...From a really big trip."

"An assignment?" he asked quickly.

"No." The word fell from her mouth like a stone, cold and hard and full of regret.

"Oh," he said, closed off once more.

"Auggie, I really am sorry. I would still love to meet Parker," Annie cleared her throat and swallowed hard. "Please. Give me one more chance."

The phone filled up with his sigh. "You know, this has been a really rough time for... Parker. With this whole full disclosure, fresh start thing. It's not easy, and it's important to have people in your life you can trust. It sucks to think there's someone there when there isn't."

Annie got the feeling he wasn't talking about Parker at all.

"I know, Aug. I can't apologize enough."

"If you still want to meet Parker, you're welcome to come over for dinner tomorrow night."

"What time?" Annie sat up and grabbed a pen and the back of an envelope off her dresser, poised to take down a reminder.

"Seven thirty at my place."

"I'll be there."


	8. Quiet Times by Dido

Annie wasn't sure what to wear. What did one wear to something like this?

What was she saying, it was dinner with her best friend and his fiancee. She could wear whatever she wanted, right?

She settled on a chaste white blouse and a pair of wide-leg slacks. It was a bit of a Katherine Hepburn look; she let her hair flow around her shoulders in an effort to keep it from looking severe, but she couldn't conceal the worry lines between her eyebrows.

Tonight she would meet Parker. All the preparation in the world still wouldn't be enough.

...

"How do I look?" Parker's voice was slightly shaky and nervous. Apparently so nervous that she was asking that question.

Auggie gave an awkward chuckle. "Um. Lovely?"

She awkwardly chuckled back. "Well, it's uh... The dress is purple."

Auggie tried to humor her with a smile, but his lack of reference betrayed him. She cleared her throat.

"I just want to look my best for Annie!" she said in a too-perky voice. "It's been such a crazy build-up, you know? So many expectations."

"She's going to love you," he said, as he'd said a thousand times before.

...

Annie arrived at the restaurant early. It was a nice place. Parker picked it. Auggie had texted Annie with an updated plan around lunch time, and she'd just gone with it. She had no leverage.

Would it have been easier to go to Auggie's place? Not for this meeting. It would have been cheaper, but Annie was not-so-secretly grateful that Parker had bailed on the hosting gig. If this thing was going to go bad, she needed a bathroom that wasn't Auggie's.

They walked in at 7:20. Typical Auggie. If you weren't ten minutes early, you were five minutes late. Despite the fact that he had Parker's elbow, walking just behind her, Annie saw him first. The second she lay eyes in Parker, her stomach dropped to her shoes.

Parker was slim, built like a dancer, with soft brown curls wrapped up in a loosely braided bun. She wore a slip dress with a soft floral pattern and a long cardigan. She reminded Annie of the ballerina in a music box, even if she did dress like a teenager next to her thirty-something fiancee.

Annie stood as they got close to the table and decided to put her best foot forward.

"You must be Parker."

"Annie Walker," Auggie's mouth turned up in a smirk. "In the flesh this time."

"Nice to meet you," Parker said. It was one of those situations where Annie might try to cut the tension with a hug but she got the feeling that if she touched Parker, they both might explode.

They took their seats.

"I've heard so much about you," Parker said with a forceful smile.

"Likewise," Annie lied. "Um, I'm so sorry I wasn't able to make it the other night. I was tied up..."

"No, I understand," Parker said in a way that was not at all understanding. "I expect your job is very demanding."

She punctuated this statement with a generous sip of wine, and Annie wasn't sure, but she thought she saw Auggie's jaw tighten.

"Have you seen the ring?" Parker asked, halfway through the salad course.

"Oh, yeah!" Annie blurted without thinking.

"You have?" Parker asked, confused.

"Auggie actually showed it to me right before he flew out to propose," Annie said. She watched as the couple tensed up further, and felt an immediate sense of regret. "It's beautiful."

"It is," Parker said, clearing her throat. "Do you have a boyfriend, Annie?"

Annie considered the truth, since that seemed to be her M.O. this evening. "I'm... sort of seeing someone."

"You are?" Auggie asked suddenly. "Since when?"

"Since recently," Annie tried to shrug it off. "It isn't serious."

"Not serious? Have you filed a C&C?"

Annie was agape. "Auggie..."

"What's a C&C?" Parker interjected.

"It's nothing," Auggie tried to wave her off.

"I see," Parker's voice turned to ice. "Let me guess. Confidential?"

"It's not confidential, I said it's nothing," Auggie's voice hardened in turn.

"So, have you two set a date?" Annie tried to be cheerful. The two turned back to her, regained their composure.

"Sorry," Auggie said. "Uh, we're thinking May."

Parker seemed to be shaking slightly. Annie couldn't tell if this was a byproduct of rage or what, but she was worried about her. She seemed suddenly delicate in the light of the restaurant.

"Do you have a dress?" Annie switched to her Girl Talk Voice.

Parker bit ever so slightly, her mouth turning up at the corner. "I've got my eye on a couple. It's just a matter of budget and tailoring and all of that."

"It's a big deal, picking out a wedding dress," Annie said.

"Have you ever been married?" Parker asked.

"Um, no," Annie laughed. "I'm not entirely sure I'm that kind of gal."

Parker didn't seem to like this answer, but she didn't press the issue.

The rest of the dinner went on like this, with tension bubbling underneath the surface. Each member of the dinner party seemed to be in the midst of a cold war with the other two. Annie left the restaurant feeling even more empty and confused than when she'd arrived.


	9. Love Comes In Waves by Malcolm Middleton

As soon as she opened the door, Annie's eyes released the flood she didn't know she'd been holding in. She yanked off her coat and threw it on the floor, kicked her shoes at the wall, and sobbed away all the makeup she'd taken such care to apply. The tears didn't explain themselves, they just were. They demanded the assistance of her heaving shoulders and shaky hands. They emptied her in a way that felt irreversible. As if the last bit of something was really gone.

If she'd had the clarity of mind, she'd know that these tears were a manifestation of pain. Because Auggie was getting married. Because his fiancee was lovely and beautiful. Because she'd pushed her feelings for him so far down and away that she was choking on denial and there was no one there to give her the heimlich. And now it was too late.

...

"Parker..."

"What are we even doing?" Parker spat.

Auggie froze. "What do you mean?"

"No one wants us to be together. What the hell are we even doing?"

"Parker, please."

"I just want to go to sleep. We'll talk tomorrow. I just want to go to bed."


	10. Wicked Game by James Vincent McMorrow

When Auggie woke up, Parker was still there. He was glad, so he rolled over and told her so. When he took a shower, he invited her in. He told her he was sorry. He told her all the reasons he loved her. They went to her favorite place for breakfast and they finally set a date.

And that was that.

...

Annie didn't want to go to Jai's apartment. She wanted even less to go to Jai's apartment. By herself. That wasn't safe, right? Always travel with a buddy. But who was she going to ask? August Anderson, OSP? She wasn't even sure they were speaking these days.

The evidence against Simon was damning. She had to set up a meeting. She had to make things right. He called the shots. The place and time weren't ideal, but neither was her backup team.

And later that day, as Lena Smith pulled her gun and fired, Annie discovered that pain, love, trust... they were all relative.

And everything went dark.


	11. Girl In The War by Josh Ritter

Auggie's first thought, upon learning that Annie had been shot, was that he hadn't said everything he'd intended. There were so many secrets he kept close to the vest, so many stories he danced around telling her. He'd planned to divulge everything in time. He certainly trusted her. It was his own stupid pride, his own track record, that convinced him he worked better as a closed book. It was a selfish move at its core. How arrogant to consider himself an international man of mystery. To think his life story held any sort of intrigue. Faced with the possibility of never uttering another word in her direction, he wished he'd told her everything and more.

He didn't come home that night. Parker worried. He told her he was fine and she didn't believe him. He met her at the hospital cafeteria at one in the morning and told her what he knew, and she held his hand and rubbed reassuring little circles with her thumb. In reality, he wanted to be held and comforted by a good woman, but he couldn't shake the feeling that he didn't want _this _one. And Parker was a good woman. She was warm and her hands were soft and her voice was full of genuine concern. He kept a table's distance between them, just in case. In case of what, he wasn't sure.

Before she left, Parker took his face in her hands and kissed his lips and whispered some of the kindest words of reassurance he'd ever heard. For some reason, they meant nothing. It was as if he could register their kindness on an academic level, but something prevented the sentiment from getting all the way to his heart.

He spent the rest of the night in the hospital lobby, alone and terrified. There were visitors from work, each of them armed with a sentiment of their own. He hated their condolences. They felt inappropriate. They made it seem like Annie wasn't going to make it, and if Auggie were stronger and more open and whole, he would've expressed how uncomfortable that made him. But he had a bad track record with these things.

Instead, he kept still and steely as all the unverbalized thoughts piled up in his mind. Thoughts about the future, and the past. About people he'd lost, so many people whom he'd loved and trusted with an almost inhuman intensity. And how, with each loss, his love and trust dwindled. Little by little, until he wasn't sure he had any left at all. How he wasted so much time looking for love in the beds of strange women and the approval of the Agency. He wanted to tell her about his family, his losses, his victories, his accident, his first day of work, his first car, his suicide attempt, his first marriage, his favorite childhood pet, his relationship with his parents. All of it. All at once. He swore if Annie pulled through, if he was even allowed to see her, that he wouldn't hold back. He would let her know how important she was to him, even if he wasn't in a place to rationalize why. And, more than that, he swore he'd find out who did this to her.

And he would fuck them up.


	12. Skinny Love by Bon Iver

Auggie stumbled in at four in the morning. He landed hard on the edge of the bed, harder than he intended, unable to support the weight of his day for one more second. He landed hard enough to rouse Parker from a dead sleep. She stirred, sat up. He didn't hear the light turn on. She scooted over and knelt behind him on the mattress.

"Look who finally decided to show."

Auggie barely managed a laugh. "They told me to go home and get some sleep."

Parker placed her hands on his shoulder blades and gently ran them along the span of his back. He allowed her touch to soothe him this time. He ached too badly to resist.

"How is she?" Parker asked softly.

Auggie heaved a sigh. "When I'm not with her, I'm investigating who put her there... There are only so many 24 hour days you can pull before you're completely useless."

"But how is _she?" _

The words hung in the air. She was comatose. She was wounded. She was only half there and she was desperately needed.

"It's touch and go."

Parker's massage expanded and deepened slightly, so it reached around to the biceps and she rested her head on his shoulder. She smelled good, and he probably didn't, but she made no indication. He needed a shower. He needed to sleep for a week. But he really needed to be back at work, figuring out who it was that tried to kill Annie. At the very least, doing the job he was paid to do.

At some point, he made it into that shower, let the water run over him for a full minute before realizing he was fully clothed. He fell back onto the bed and Parker lay beside him and stroked his hair until he fell asleep. She was too good for him, he was sure of it in that moment.

He could never tell her that, as he drifted off to sleep, every last one of his thoughts was with Annie.


	13. Oh Sweet Nothing by Velvet Underground

Auggie lay facedown on the bed, tangled in the sheets. The air was warm and sweet, a pleasant breeze billowing through some distant window. He realized that there was someone else tangled up with him. A woman.

Her skin was velvety, her important parts chastely covered by the sheets. She rolled over and stretched, pulled him in for a kiss.

"Parker," he managed, appreciatively. But it wasn't Parker. It was Annie. Maybe it had been all along, but he knew for sure in that moment. Something about her lips, her hands. Definitely Annie.

"I'm with Parker," he should have said, and he knew it, but he didn't say it. He allowed his lips to be otherwise occupied by this passionate woman, to be thoroughly entranced and ruined by her, until suddenly-

Auggie woke in his own bed, in a cold sweat. He bolted involuntarily upright, breathless and overwhelmed with dread.

He realized, once again, that he had company. The woman lying only a few inches away was his fiancee. She stirred.

"You okay?" she murmured. Her voice held genuine concern.

Auggie was grateful he didn't have to look her in the eye because, truth told, he couldn't. Instead, he swung his legs over the edge of the mattress and went for some fresh clothes.

"I have to go," he managed. "I'll call you."

"Already?" she asked, more awake now. "You've only been home a few hours."

"My phone went off," he lied. "It's urgent."

"Okay," she conceded. "Call me later?"

"Count on it," Auggie said. He had to force the words. Because, in truth, he wasn't sure if Parker could count on him at all anymore.


	14. Deep Cuts by Cataldo

Annie was awake. Lena was gone. Joan was on the warpath.

Auggie's first move was to march into Arthur's office and demand a reassignment. Exhaustion and adrenaline made him so ballsy as to demand Arthur fast-track it. He was back at his desk by the end of the day.

"Go home," Joan ordered as soon as his ass hit the chair.

Auggie paused, headphones hovering an inch away from his head. "But I just got here."

"You've been to hell and back," Joan snapped back. "You have a fiancee. Do you have a cat? Go home and feed it and get some sleep. Take a day. We've got it covered here."

"I don't have a cat," Auggie corrected.

"Then feed your fiancee. Whatever." She made her way across the room and perched on the edge of his desk. Her voice lowered, and softened. "Auggie, I'm so glad you're back. But I can't use you in this condition. You know that."

"What condition?" he asked. Normally, he would've snapped, but it came out like a long-awaited exhale of exhaustion. He was too spent to fight.

"Can I speak off the record?" she asked, pausing but not waiting for a real response. "Marriage takes work. Don't let your work take over your marriage before it starts. Trust me on this one."

"What about-"

"Annie will be fine. If anything changes you'll be the first to know. I swear. Go home."

...

Annie's first thought upon waking, was that consciousness was so much harsher than she remembered. The fluorescent lights, perched directly above her head, burned her eyes. Her throat and nose were raw from various tubes. And her chest burned. Oh, did her chest burn. She was on fire.

Once all the commotion died down, and Lena left, and Joan and Auggie were forced out of the room by the doctors, Annie found herself wondering about Simon. She was having such a difficult time distinguishing awake and asleep. That final moment in her kitchen seemed like it happened 20 years ago. Had she really been in a diner with Simon? Or had she only been there with Jai?

Hot tears rolled down her cheeks, and the nurses all began to panic and it was horrible. She was too fuzzy and overwhelmed and she missed Simon and she missed Auggie. She didn't know where anyone was. She knew where she was, but not specifically. She had no idea how to get out.

She was powerless, and it was a feeling she hated. But she couldn't give up. It wasn't in her nature. She'd never given up, and she wasn't going to start.


	15. Man on Fire by Edward Sharpe

This time, Auggie didn't even make it all the way to the bed. He sat down on the couch and lay back. It had been 5 pm when he left work. Parker should be home right now. But he didn't hear her.

It was probably for the best. Auggie feared becoming a couple that did nothing but screw. It seemed like with their limited time together, that was a real danger. He would come home in tatters and Parker would try to make it all better. It didn't seem fair that that would fall to her.

He wondered where she might be. She'd been volunteering with an international non profit while hunting for a paying job, but not at this hour. The apartment felt strangely empty in her absence. He put on Mingus to drown out the quiet. The man who once relished his solitude paced around the empty apartment, irrationally restless and too tired to sleep.

There were a lot of times when Parker first moved in that Auggie questioned their compatibility. She was slow to come to terms with the bulk of his adaptive lifestyle- it was no secret that she had struggled, though she tried desperately to hide it. But what she lacked in ease she made up for in effort. One thing she was quick to grasp was the importance of touch. A brush in the hall, a surprise kiss on the cheek, a hand on the knee. He'd gotten to know her well because she let him put his hands all over her, and vice versa. He could reach out at any given point and locate the crook of her elbow, the nape of her neck, the curvature of her ass. He knew just where she was at any given time.

Except now.


	16. In My Dreams by The Eels

**Author's Note: **A lot of you have been requesting longer chapters. Usually, your comments and feedback fuel and inform my work, but this time I'm going to have to deny the request. I like the chapters at the length they are. I only write as long as I have something to say and I genuinely think a rough sketch is the most powerful format for this particular story. That said, I really appreciate the feedback and I hope you thoroughly enjoy the story. I'd love to hear more of your individual ideas and opinions because they genuinely do matter. Whenever I hit a dead end, you guys say something that gives me an idea of how to move it along and I love you for it. -P

* * *

At some point, Auggie fell asleep on the couch. He woke up to a kiss on the forehead.

"Hey, sleepyhead," Parker said, snuggling up next to him. "When did you get home?"

"5:30 maybe?" Auggie yawned and stretched. "What time is it now?"

"Nine," Parker half-laughed. "You must've crashed."

"I came home and you weren't here."

"I met some friends for dinner," Parker explained. "I didn't expect to see you tonight."

"Annie woke up," Auggie blurted.

Parker was quiet for a moment. "Did she? That's great."

"I guess. I can't see her for awhile. She needs to rest."

"Auggie can I-" she stopped herself midsentence and quickly stood. "Never mind. Are you hungry? I have leftover chicken from that Thai place you like."

"Were you going to ask something else?"

"No, it's fine. You're tired, it can wait."

"Parker," Auggie felt a nervous laugh bubble up against his will. "What's on your mind?"

"You just got home. You're tired. It's been an awful week. It just isn't the time to get into this."

"Get into _what?" _The mania of exhaustion mixed with his constant insecurity about being out of the loop made the words more frantic than intended.

Parker heaved a sigh. "Um... our invitations came in the mail."

"Is that it? Today? That's awesome."

"Three days ago."

Auggie frowned in confusion. "What? Why didn't you tell me?"

He expected Parker to launch into a long-anticipated, well-earned rant about his constant absence and long hours. He expected her to ask him to scale his hours back, to focus more on their relationship. And at the end, he would gladly oblige, and wrap her up in his arms like he had so many times before. And he would genuinely try. And she would understand that it was the best he could do, but that he was working on it. He'd tell her about his reassignment and how it wasn't going to take him away as much anymore. That he'd be able to spend more time with her. Really. And they would begin stuffing invitations into envelopes and he would probably make a few blunders and they'd laugh and have wine and fall asleep in each other's arms and sleep impossibly late and do it all again tomorrow.

But there was no rant. Instead, she sat back down on the opposite end of the sofa, still and silent.

"Parker?" he repeated his question. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Her voice was small and choked. "Because you talk in your sleep."


	17. It's a Mother------ by the Eels

Danielle flew in as soon as she heard. Annie had been terrified no one would let her in to visit, but everyone at the hospital was operating under false pretenses. Anyway, while Auggie was Annie's emergency contact, Danielle was her next of kin.

As soon as Danielle saw her, she was in tears. Annie wanted to tell her to stop crying, winced when Danielle went in for the hug.

"Oh honey I'm so sorry," Danielle pulled away and regarded the enormous bandage on Annie's chest.

"It's fine," Annie managed. She was still barely able to talk, her throat raw from the tubes and her vocal cords atrophied from lack of use. It hurt to clear her throat because it hurt to breathe because she'd had a bullet in her chest. In short, basically nothing was fine.

Danielle smoothed back her hair. "Can I get you anything? Your iPod? Magazines? Water?"

Annie shook her head, managing a weak smile. She was so glad to see Danielle. She undoubtedly brightened the cold, gray hospital and gave Annie the sense that she was being taken care of. But the person Annie really wanted to see wasn't coming. He had no reason to. He worked hard, he had a fiancee. He was her friend, once. She knew he waited for her, but she hadn't seen him since those first moments she'd opened her eyes. Even then, he was on his way out.

She'd kissed him so passionately in that dream. Whatever you'd call it. It felt all kinds of real. When she closed her eyes, she could remember the events of her unconscious fantasy, but she could never bring herself completely back to that moment. She could remember a lot of things about the kiss. She struggled to remember anything in her opening moments of consciousness but that kiss never left her.

She wondered why Auggie Anderson did.


	18. Joy to You Baby by Josh Ritter

"What have I been saying in my sleep, exactly?" Auggie asked.

"Auggie," her voice was irritated and pained.

"What have I been saying that is so monumental that you want to call off the wedding?" He was serious, but he tried to keep it as light as possible. For some reason, possibly a head rush of denial and exhaustion, Auggie viewed this as a temporary situation. It was just a spat.

"Annie Walker's name."

Auggie froze. "What?"

"At first I thought it was because you were worried about her. She's been dominating a lot of your waking moments, I figured it only made sense that she'd end up in your dreams, too. She's your best friend, you know? It only seemed fair. But then... you said more than her name."

Auggie felt his stomach sink to his shoes. "I love you Parker."

"I know," Parker said, tearfully. "But you love her too."

"But I'm marrying _you."_

"Well that really isn't fair to me, is it?" Parker's tear-stained words lingered in the air.

"I love you," he repeated.

"You really want to mean that," she said softly. "You're one of the good ones, Auggie. But you don't love me the way you love Annie Walker. Whether you see it or not, you and Annie share a bond that you and I never have."

"Parker, please."

"Don't get hysterical, Auggie. I just need you to listen to me," her tears inspired tears of his own. "You're no quitter, and I admire that about you. But this time you picked the wrong commitment. I need you to stop viewing our relationship as an obligation and consider how this makes me feel. Your staying with me will always make me feel second-best, because I will always know that you don't feel for me the way that you feel for Annie. She's your best friend. You should be with your best friend and that will always be in the back of my mind. I deserve to find the person who feels for me the way I know in my heart that you feel for Annie."

"Don't say that," Auggie whispered.

"I love you, Auggie," Parker said, scooting closer and taking his hands in her own. "But I don't know if I can keep living like this."

"Parker, I am so sorry-" to his surprise, she kissed him. It was a hungry kiss, a shut up kiss, an I want you now kiss, a confused kiss, a goodbye kiss.

She separated from him as abruptly as she'd interrupted.

"You're one of the best people I know," she said seriously, her voice hoarse.

Auggie took a deep breath. Logic returned in place of hysteria. "You are too," he said honestly.

She took his hand again and he squeezed it. "We shouldn't get married."

Auggie sighed. "No, we uh, we probably shouldn't."

"You need to tell her how you feel. Before you really lose her."

Auggie's nod caused him physical pain. "I'm so sorry, Parker."

"I'm sorry too," she said earnestly. "But I think we're gonna bounce back fine. Eventually."

They sat on that couch holding hands for a good long while. They agreed that he'd take the couch tonight, and she'd take the bed. She was on his lease now. They'd figure that out in the morning.

But in the morning, she was gone. The only evidence she'd ever been there was an envelope on his dresser, containing a single pearl engagement ring and a note in crudely executed Braille, which simply read, "Thank You. I'm Sorry."


	19. Bloodbuzz Ohio by the National

It was a few days before Annie was able to sit up, talk normally, go a few hours without sleeping. She was weak, and she was pretty battered, but she was getting better. Apparently, if you survived the crucial hours and days after a gunshot wound to the chest, you were already on the mend. Annie liked the sound of that.

Her visitors were few and far between. Danielle was there as often as she could be, but California beckoned with less and less patience each day. She received a cordial call from Joan on the second day, which was polite but brief. Annie didn't expect Joan had a lot of down time on her hands, nor that she did this for everybody, so she wasn't complaining. She passed the time by catching up on soap operas, doing as much physical activity as they'd let her, reading books she really wished she cared about.

Then, one day, Auggie Anderson showed up. Seeing him was like getting the paddles all over again.

He had a bit of stubble, nothing major. He'd had a haircut, though he was concealing it beneath a weathered ARMY baseball cap. All this to say, he didn't look like he'd been to work in awhile.

A pretty brunette nurse guided him over to the chair where Danielle had been only an hour before. He didn't fold up his cane, but held it straight up and down directly in front of him, hands wrapped around it.

"Hey," she said, hoping her voice sounded like her own.

His expression changed, as if hearing her speak had surprised him. It made her wonder if he'd been there before. Back when the idea of a two-way conversation was optimistic.

"Hey," he said. His mouth curled into a grin, but his eyes didn't sparkle. Some part of him was elsewhere.

"I'm glad you came," she said. "It's so boring here. I started to think you might not stop by at all."

"Come on," he said in a choked voice. "That ain't me."

"Well, we've barely spoken in months. For all I know, it could be." She didn't mean to say it. She didn't know why she said it. But there it was, out in the open. Un-take-back-able.

Auggie's jaw jumped as he nibbled the inside of his lip. Annie found comfort in this nervous habit, but it didn't drown out the dread of being a nerve-inducer.

"As I recall," he said calmly. "You were the one who didn't answer _my _phone calls."

"Auggie, I'm sorry..." Annie whispered. She felt sick.

"Don't be," he said, giving her that smile he gave people when he was uncomfortable or offended. "You should rest."

He left before she could say anything else. He didn't even have to unfold his cane. He was just gone.

...

Auggie didn't go home that night. He went to Allen's. He sat at his old table, and he drank too much, and he chatted up a woman named Miranda and he let her believe he was a lifelong bachelor and a Smithsonian employee and a Manchester United fan, and that he had an important meeting in the morning and he needed his rest, but that she could sleep over next time.

And he remembered why he was good at his job. Because he was a good liar. And liars don't have to feel a damn thing if they don't want to.


	20. Little River by Tallest Man on Earth

It was weeks before Annie was able to return to work. She hadn't seen or heard from Auggie in weeks, and she wasn't sure what to do about it. Her first step into the DPD was punctuated by a desperate desire to talk to him about everything.

Her second step put him in her direct line of vision and she felt a desperate desire to hide.

Unfortunately, Auggie was talking to Barber, and the second Barber saw her it was all over.

"Annie!" he cheered, picking her up and spinning her around.

"Hey Eric," Annie said, a little breathless but pretending not to be. Barber was a teddy bear. And, thanks to him, there was a 0% chance of her slipping under Auggie's radar.

"Do mine ears deceive me?" Auggie asked with a smirk. "Annie Walker in the flesh."

"Most of me, anyway," Annie joked, but immediately regretted it as concern flickered across his brow. "I'm just kidding. I'm, uh, back in action."

"You two have a lot to catch up on," Barber said pointedly, retreating to his desk.

"Is he gone?" Auggie asked after a moment.

"Yeah, so you can stop pretending you're glad to see me," Annie snarked.

"Who's pretending?" Auggie snarked back, making his way to his office ahead of her. "More specifically, who's seeing?"

"We left things weird," Annie said, doubling pace to catch up.

"Frankly, Walker, I got a lot on my plate. The last time I saw you, I had a lot on my plate. I'm sorry if I'm more focused on my plate right now."

"Are you really."

"Well it's a hell of a plate."

"Apparently it no longer includes the OSP."

"I was reassigned."

"On whose terms?"

"My own."

Annie frowned. "You requested your own reassignment? Back here?"

"A lot's changed."

"What did Parker say about that?"

"Parker doesn't know."

"What?"

"We split up the day you woke up from your coma."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were otherwise engaged."

"Was that pun intended because it seems really inappropriate."

"Knew it the moment I said it."

"So when you visited me in the hospital..."

"I fully intended to rap it out. Unfortunately you had other plans."

"Like sticking my foot in my mouth."

"No comment."

"I feel like I don't know you anymore," she said. It came out all loud and forceful. It was a blurt if there ever was one.

Auggie turned away from her, pretended to fiddle with a USB stick laying on his desk. "Yeah, well..."

"Do you want to get a beer?"

The question hung in the air for a moment, waiting to be taken into consideration.

"After work," Auggie agreed finally. "Allen's. We'll catch up."

"Promise?"

"Sure."


	21. A Little Bit of Everything by Dawes

Annie half-expected he wouldn't show. She ordered a single beer instead of a pitcher, took a seat and set her purse on the other chair. She would've kicked up her feet if it wasn't so rude. It would be cosmic justice, she decided, to be stood up by Auggie. He had no reason to want to catch up with her; she hadn't given him any.

But he showed up anyway, right on time. He picked up a beer at the bar and the bartender directed him to where Annie was sitting.

"Hey," she said, snatching her purse out from under him as he took a seat.

"Hey."

"Glad you made it," she said, clearing her throat as if to clear the awkwardness that obstructed it.

"You didn't think I would," he said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I didn't think I gave you any reason to," she admitted.

"That's never stopped me before."

"I'm sorry about the hospital."

"Don't be."

"But I am," she said firmly.

He nodded, cupping his beer with two hands. "Okay."

"You came to visit more than I knew."

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"You looked after me."

He looked away in embarrassment. "In a manner of speaking."

"Auggie, why did you and Parker split up?"

He took a sip, and then sighed. "It wasn't right."

"What wasn't?"

He took a second to consider the answer. "Any of it. The timing, the commitment level... the people involved."

Annie frowned. "I don't understand."

"Parker and I realized that we were in different places. In that she was in love with me, and..." he let it trail off midsentence.

"And?"

"And I am in love with you."

Annie was paralyzed. She felt tears, of all things, pricking behind her eyes, and willed them away before he could hear them in her voice.

"What?" she managed.

"I love Parker. She's a wonderful woman. She has so much to offer and so much good in her. But while I was spending my days telling her how I thought I felt, I was spending my nights talking about you in my sleep. Worrying about you. Confessing things I couldn't bring myself to confess in the daylight. And Parker, being as good as she is, knew when to call time."

"She broke up with you because of me," Annie said, her voice small and horrified.

"She broke up with me because of me," Auggie corrected. "Because she deserves to be with someone who loves her even when they're unconscious. And so do I. And so do you."

"I don't know what to say," Annie managed.

To Auggie's credit, he didn't direct her. He didn't say "tell me you love me" or "tell me you feel the same." He didn't reach for her hand, or try to kiss her. He sat quietly, holding his beer, his face calm and honest.

"You don't have to say anything."


	22. We Found Each Other In The Dark

"I think I should go," Annie blurted after a moment.

"Sure," Auggie nodded, clouds of disappointment and understanding colliding in a thunderstorm on his brow.

"I don't want to go by myself."

Annie bit her lip, her stomach loaded with steel butterflies. She watched Auggie's face with hungry eyes, desperate for a reaction. His brow lifted ever so slightly, his face regaining light.

"Come on." She took his hand and led him haphazardly out of the bar and into the clear night. Once on the sidewalk, their hands separated once more. Auggie unfurled his cane as Annie ran her hands through her hair.

"You love me," she said.

"Uh, yeah," he said back.

"I'm sorry, I'm just... still processing this."

"For all your field experience I expected you to be smoother," he grinned.

She grinned back. "I'm off the clock."

"You've been off the clock for weeks, Walker. What you are is rusty."

"In an alternate universe, this would be the moment I grab you by the collar and say something like 'how's this for rusty.'"

Auggie suppressed a chuckle. "But?"

"Our first kiss shouldn't be rehearsed."

"Our first kiss," he grinned like a schoolboy, both hands resting atop his cane. "I'm still waiting for you to bolt for the exit."

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered.

Annie turned to him, her whole body shaking from the inside out. Their shoulders were already practically touching. She put her hands first on his arms, then his cheeks, and pulled him ever so slightly towards her. She feared the worst, the tense reaction of a man caught off guard, but he offered no such response. One hand still on his cane, the other migrated to the back of her head and deepened the kiss. Unrehearsed. Unpretentious. Two people standing outside a bar, exchanging beer breath and nerves and things they should've said years ago.


End file.
